I fear seldom for myself, not even death threatens me, for my inner mirror has analysed the hollowness of glimmering crystals, goblets, tiaras and relationships of life. Yes, I do love my near and dear ones… but why am I held back by these cords rather than set free? I see, I feel, I hear my calling, my ultimate goal, the absolute. But what binds me? Why am I unable to embark on this joyful divine journey?
Anxiety grips me mercilessly and endlessly. Why have faith and devotion abandoned me? Will I be accepted with all my sins – with all my wavering and meandering and the little deep lies which He alone knows? Can the ‘I’ really surrender or will the boat capsize under the deluge of constant anxious thoughts?
Sometimes guilty, sometimes angry with myself, sometimes reattached to the lusts and wonders of the material world. I am confused and directionless.
I beseech you, my Lord, to guide my boat out of the latitudes of material doldrums where it is spiralling into an infinite void. And as I surrender to you in deep prayer, I hear you whisper “When you call out to me, I always come.”
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